Bumps and All

Before we arrived at the pumpkin patch I told my daughter she could pick out any pumpkin she wanted. Usually she picks the bumpy ones, and I say 'are you sure that's the one you want? Look at all those ugly bumps.' This time I stood back and let her go. To my surprise she picked a smooth one;  yet it still was not void of imperfections. How would we feel if God only chose certain people for His kingdom? Guess what? Perfection does not exist. He chose us all, with all our bumps and imperfections. God's love is unconditional. I'm pretty sure we are anything but ugly in His eyes. We were beautifully created in His image - perfectly imperfect. No matter what we've been through His desire is for us to realize His grace and love is never ending. Once we accept this we can, in turn, share that love with others; bumps and all.    
  
'In the pumpkin patch of life always be true to your UNIQUE self'~ april XO

A New Year

 

2016 was a year of opportunity, growth and independence for me. Early in the year my dream of having a book signing and story time event at Barnes and Noble Bookstore came true, both books were accepted in multiple venues, I've been offered creative opportunities within the community, and a friend helped a vision I had of creating Chopper & T dolls happen. I've reconnected with old friends, and met new. I was able to go to Maine to visit family, and was then gifted with a flight to NYC; where I took in the sights and saw my first Broadway show... this was a bucket list adventure. Tiana  turned 21 and continues to thrive where she lives. Her grant for a special riding helmet was approved and she began equine therapy riding again. Living aboard Summer Reign for over a year now, has been and continues to be a combination of enjoyment, frustration, and teachable moments. Paul can't believe his dream is still in full effect, and Rocky has proven to be an excellent boat dog- only falling in twice. Feeling gratefulness for  2016 and positivity for 2017! The new year will be filled with prosperity, blessings and love. 

Believe it!

Happy New Year! Don't worry about resolutions; instead love yourself more.  In turn you'll be able to love others more and build a mindset of gratefulness for every tiny blessing that will grow into blessings you may never even  expected!

 

Learning As I GrOw: faith, special needs & the children's section of life

Learning As I GrOw: 

My daughter T and I enjoy going to the bookstore together.  We went last week; finding ourselves once again in tbe children's section. Dr Suess is one of her favorites so we sat down to read a few. There's usually at least one  child and/or adult who look at us in strange awe, with a curiosity as to why a seemingly adult girl (18) was so excited about this occurrence, let alone sitting in the kids isle. This reminds me of how as Christians we are sometimes looked at oddly; for our belief, for our choices, for our excitement in a faith that seems intangible. I'm not going to lie and say it's not frustraTing at times, it is; but it offers me an opportunity to raise  awareness about her medical condition. Likewise, as Christians  witnessing to others about our faith and just how tangible it truly is. If you find yourself searching, wander over to the 'children's section' of life, let your guard down and simply be. There you can experience the wonderment of joy that God has to offer. In letting go of what others think, in enjoying the little things and in searching your soul;  what once seemed unobtainable will quickly just be. 'With God all things are possible~ april XO #aprilcorbettauthor #LearningAsIGrOw #TianaHope #passageofhopefortiana #specialneeds #awareness #spiritual #GodisTangible #devotion #reflection #ourstory

Learning As I GrOw Holiday Message

This morning I was thinking about our family outing last Sunday to our local holiday craft show. Among the tents of creativity Mr & Mrs Claus made their appearance, a man up the way was constructing balloon characters and the waif of multiple aromas filled the air. We bought some kettle corn to share, and settled on a bench a short distance from the pavilion to take in the melodic sounds of the Christmas concert. Nearby a woman selling hot dogs would intermittently shout out "get your delicious hot dog here!!"

Every time she said it, my daughter piped up saying, "I do!" Just her way of saying she wanted one. I reminded her we had just eaten lunch; not to mention she was eating kettle corn. Isn't this how we are at times? Especially around the Holidays. As we're 'holding' onto what we have: our family, our jobs, our dreams, our homes, our accomplishments we hear the world shouting at us- look at this,  that, & the other. We look, we want, we feel insignificant if we can't have more or do more; thinking whatever  'that' is will somehow satisfy. It's so easy to become distracted when our focus should be on what's right in front of us.

Love on your family, pursue your dreams, climb that ladder, get in the holiday spirit with some decor and gifts. However, you do not have to respond to the shouting of this world. Place God in the center and lean on Him when life becomes too loud.

~ april  XO 

Life Is Much Too Fragile

I tend to get dreams, intuitions and feelings that I cannot always explain, or pinpoint. When this happens I know my spirit is forcing me to pray because there's someone who needs it,  including me. Certain times I've been able to relay messages that have been given to me from God and people were astonished by them. Most times I do not know who,  why or where until after the fact. I don't talk about it much.

For the last few weeks I've had a heavy feeling of impending doom. I kept thinking something bad was going to happen to someone close to me. I've been hugging hubs a little tighter lately, trying to shake off those dark vibes. I realized those feelings were not totally incorrect this morning as I received a phone call from a dear friend, who sadly had devastating news to share.

My heart is aching right now. The only way I know how to even digest this news is to write. I will be praying in warrior mode for my friend, who is like a sister to me. Please pray with me, as God will know the direction.

Life is much too fragile for us not to wrap our arms around it and pull it safely close. Time is not on our side, so instead of stealing those precious moments we should be basking in them. Tell your loved ones you love them, show them that love and in turn share it with those on this journey with you.

(I love you my sweet friend and soul sister. I'm here for you when you're ready, for whatever you may need) 

♡,  april XO

Solitude

Having moments of solitude is a necessity to one's life, in my mind. I am grateful for those times, whether minutes or hours, that seem to 'take' me away to where I need to be. I'm not a morning person persay, and I adore the moon,   but I love meetings with the sun. Now sunsets are beautiful, however those first few minutes when the sun greets you with a bright hello- you will be captivated. Life gets busy. We can slow it down by simply soaking in a few golden moments. Find your treasure today and tomorrow and the next day. Those moments of solitude are my treasure.

Feel your sadness, then release it

My life has changed quite a bit in the last year. Life is good.  We live in paradise, on a sailboat, off the St Petersburg waterfront; and we love it!  There's always something happening around town, and even though we're still working it certainly feels like a vacation coming home to the docks. The last few days I've allowed sadness to creep in as I overthink my writing goals, not to mention the day job has my anxiety level up. With an impending full moon this hubby & wife recently found ourselves at odds. Isn't it crazy how those silly little things become gigantic if we let them? Not all our ideas are going to be the same because we're two different people,  imagine that, and so we're certainly not going to agree on everything. Striving for perfection in anything is not how relationships, jobs, or goals are accomplished. It's about striving for a pasion, a love, a dream that brings you to your  perfect destination. I decided not to be so hard on myself. If one goal doesn't happen there's many more out there to work towards. Finding time to write is a must for my sanity and therein lies my problem.. I just need to write. As far as our marital bliss, we all have times where we don't like one another for a minute. Nobody is going to have the same feelings or experiences. If we stop to look at the big picture then we can stop worrying about the little things. Instead of only seeing and hearing each other in the physical realm, I believe we should  look and listen at one another in an emotional aspect as well. Talk things out and pray together. Doing something for yourself like going for a walk alone can recharge your mind, heart and soul. It's ok to feel sad, it's learning how to release that sadness that's so important. Don't get caught up with busy or worry,  instead pick up a hobby you enjoy.  Go outdoors. Get a journal and write things down.  That sadness, anxiety or depressed emotion will be replaced with joy, peace and harmony.                                                                                             photo and article by april k corbett ©

Learning As I GrOw- A Father's Love

As a little girl I was definitely a daddy's girl. He couldn't stand to hear me cry as a baby so he'd rock me to sleep more often than not. He was there for me in the middle of the night when I had nightmares and the one who would actually get in the kiddie pool with me. To a child these things are of high importance. We'd plant flowers, go blueberry picking, build snowmen, go sledding, and so much more. As I grew, I saw the hard working, God fearing family man that he was; and still is. The most important thing he ever taught me was that Jesus loves me, He lives in my heart and to always trust in Him. As I became a teen it wasn't so cool to hug your dad, get & give kisses or hang out together. After my parents divorce we moved out of state which placed a strain on our relationship, not because of anything anyone did, it's something that just happens. A few weeks in the Summer became our new normal. As a woman I now can appreciate the ups & downs of life. You see things so differently as a child. The love I have for my dad remains true, even when we don't see eye to eye. Not once has he missed a birthday or Christmas and although it is difficult for him to express in person, the cards he sends really do say it all. My dad will always be my hero. You see, his love for our heavenly Father was the greatest lesson I ever learned from him. We continue to make memories, reminiscent of the old. I am grateful to still have him in my life. Whether you had a father figure in your life or not, regardless of the type of relationship it was or is please know that God is there, taking their place, loving and leading. Thank you dad for introducing me to your Father above, who in turn is mine and who can be yours.

Learning As I GrOw- caregiving sometimes means letting go

I still remember the older gentlemans face as he helped us choose a new dryer. We had my daughter Tiana Hope with us and she was about 6 at the time. I was distracted, as going to the store with a special needs child is never an easy task. I explained a bit about her and he proceeded to tell me that he understood. He too had a daughter born with special needs, with more physical challenges  and that now she lives miles away in a group home. He explained that it was the closest available for her needs. I felt bad, even though I was at a different point of our caregiving journey, but I told him how sorry I was. Continuing on I showed empathy saying how hard that must be; then I blurted out how I would never place my daughter in a home, how she'll live with me always. He replied how difficult it had become for he and his wife, especially his wife, due to the care she required.  I saw tears well up in his eyes and he quickly left. Before long another salesperson came over.  A feeling of dread washed over me and I wanted to find him, apologize. My intent was not cruel and I'm sure his heart was heavy. At that time I was just at a different place on our special needs journey. Now, I am where he stood. There's so much stigma out there about placement. Too much actually. So much that it took me over a year to talk about my daughters move into a group home at age 18- now almost 2 years later. Until you get there you really and truly do not know. We've had our ups and downs, just as every other SN family has but the most important thing to acknowledge is that each one of our journeys are different. Relatable, but different. My daughter is my only child, my life, my heart, my sunshine, my angel in disguise. I have fought for her since day one and I've got the 'scars' to prove it. That fight will continue on for as long as she needs me. I will always be her advocate, teacher, nurse, lawyer, etc and of course her mom. Placement does not mean I love her any less. We don't always like choices and sometimes there really isn't an option. T is happy, smart, giggles and love. Unfortunately, there's behavior issues along with her diagnosis of Pachygyria, which we did not get initially, only told brain disorder, macrocephaly and seizures. We later learned she had developmental delays, speech delay, autism, pdd,& sensory issues. Back then I didn't have the type of internet and groups available today. I made sure she had what the drs advised  including  medications, therapies, a special school,& additional care. I made her her very  own magnetic picture cards for the refrigerator, picture books, held my own therapy sessions and prayed like I've never prayed before. As hormones changed so did her moods, which turned to aggression. The outbursts were intimidating as her strength seemed to double and I was the target. Locking myself in the bathroom literally happened at times until she calmed down, not to mention attacks while driving.  Meds have helped and T recognizes her behavior  but only after the fact. Sorrys and kisses abound as T is usually so sweet. The day her psych dr had her baker acted after an outburst in his office just about pushed me over the edge.  My heart was broken into a million tiny pieces. I have not even touched the surface of  what we've been through. People have said all kids at 18 are leaving home, and I understand that, I appreciate that, however when your child will mentally be a child forever and their milestones are totally different that's what's gut wrenching. Letting go is not taken lightly and it is still hard to accept. I am very involved, and she comes home often. A multitude of research with a team of specialists helping me along made it possible. No, it's not an institution. T lives in a regular house with 5 other girls her age, shares a room, goes on outings, even has a pool and she's much more independent. We are both trying to embrace our independence. She's growing up, she's happy, and she's going to be just fine.i suppose I will be eventually. Day by day I learn to let go a tiny bit more. With tears of both sadness and joy in my eyes I will never ever totally let go.  Now I stand where he stood. Now I understand. I hope you will too.     *photo of Tiana Hope taken by April K Corbett.          *this post was featured on The Mighty FB&website July 2015