Friday, March 2, 2018

New Beginnings

 Most who have followed my blog know that I write about a few different things; including my experiences raising a child with special needs, inspirational posts, and living life aboard a sailboat. Well, I guess you could say I jumped ship. I finally answered my own question; ' What does April want?'. It saddens me to have had to leave a relationship, a life, a dream, that took years to build. But it saddens me more to know that it took me so long to find the clarity my soul deserved. The boat life brought me clarity, and for that I will always know that I'm on the right path. 

I found myself gripped with an instant realization, an epiphany if you will, about a year ago. And honestly, it was quite longer than that. Living aboard Summer Reign was a mixture of exhilarating, aggravating, relaxing,  and at times quite difficult. My mind was both at ease and a gnarled mess all at the same time. The simple life offered the beauty of simplicity. It was found in the awe inspiring  sunrises, the majestic sunsets, the peekaboo moonrise and the way the moonlight sparklied over the water like a dream come true. 

But instead of happiness, weariness and confusion tormented me. What had become  someone else's dream come true, was now my worst nightmare. A photo or Facebook post never tells you the whole story. A picture was only part of my experience, it was not fully authentic.  When you live in such small quarters with a person of course there's difficulties, however, when you don't recognize that person anymore that's a whole  different story. When you don't even recognize yourself,  or know what I'd false vs real -  that becomes a scary new reality. I had, over our  years together, allowed this person to overstep boundaries. Over and over. Time and time again. Until it broke me. 

It broke me, but it didn't shatter me. I suffered mentally, and emotionally through years of a life built on conditional love. The person who was supposed to love, cherish" and look out for me either failed to realize or didn't care to know they'd been doing the opposite. Not to mention just how hurtful they had been. It took a year of therapy to come to previously said realizations. I don't want to go into too much detail, so maybe I'll save it for my next book. All I can say is that after I worked so hard to help someone else accomplish their dream, I've decided I deserve to accomplish my own dream. 

So now, as my journey continues, I'm  figuring out what that dream may be. As new beginnings unfold I am healing and confident that I will wander onto the precise path I'm supposed to be. I traded the boat life in FL for a brand new life in GA. The air is different here, and it feels wonderful. 

- Nothing you do in this life is written in stone; except the inscription on your head stone.

Choices, decisions, and changes can be made at any time. You may be going through a difficult situation where there's been a weight of contemplation towards making a change. Only you can decide what is best for you. Others cannot peer in with some notion that they can grasp even an iota of what you've been through. True circumstances aren't as simple as a Facebook post. Believe in yourself, love yourself, and know you are not by yourself; because your angels are standing right by your side. 

Friday, February 9, 2018

A LOVE So True

With Valentine's day soon approaching I felt it on my heart to share a story with you. An experience I encountered: a story about true love. As I was enjoying a stroll downtown I heard shouting in the distance. Shouting from people standing on a street corner. Their words could be better heard the closer I got, and immediately it bothered my spirit. My soul was saddened. Not saddened necessarily by what they were saying, but the way in which they believed it had to be said. Words were being yelled on how you could be saved, and what you should do to save your soul. You could see everyones avoidance. Being a Christian myself did not change my view that this is NOT how Jesus wants us to go about telling others about Him. Of course we are called to witness; shouting is ludicrous, only scares people away, and  nobody can save another persons soul- ultimately, only God can do that. Why would anyone want to learn about a God that yells and shouts?! Well He doesn't, and neither should we. God speaks to us in love and with compassion. God is love. When Jesus came to earth in human form He got to know people, He shared stories and teachings, He broke bread, and taught with love. As Christians it is in our actions, it is how we live, it is how we treat others that shows true witness. My response as we walked by was simply this ' they will know we are Christians by our LOVE', not by shouting. There was a scripted response given to me, of which I ignored, flashed a loving smile, and kept on walking. Those folks should ask themselves, just as we all should, what would Jesus do? Show LOVE. He is waiting. Waiting for you to simply ask Him into your heart. God cannot move in your life until you do. Reach out your hand- His is there. His love is true ♡