New Beginnings

 Most who have followed my blog know that I write about a few different things; including my experiences raising a child with special needs, inspirational posts, and living life aboard a sailboat. Well, I guess you could say I jumped ship. I finally answered my own question; ' What does April want?'. It saddens me to have had to leave a relationship, a life, a dream, that took years to build. But it saddens me more to know that it took me so long to find the clarity my soul deserved. The boat life brought me clarity, and for that I will always know that I'm on the right path. 

I found myself gripped with an instant realization, an epiphany if you will, about a year ago. And honestly, it was quite longer than that. Living aboard Summer Reign was a mixture of exhilarating, aggravating, relaxing,  and at times quite difficult. My mind was both at ease and a gnarled mess all at the same time. The simple life offered the beauty of simplicity. It was found in the awe inspiring  sunrises, the majestic sunsets, the peekaboo moonrise and the way the moonlight sparklied over the water like a dream come true. 

But instead of happiness, weariness and confusion tormented me. What had become  someone else's dream come true, was now my worst nightmare. A photo or Facebook post never tells you the whole story. A picture was only part of my experience, it was not fully authentic.  When you live in such small quarters with a person of course there's difficulties, however, when you don't recognize that person anymore that's a whole  different story. When you don't even recognize yourself,  or know what I'd false vs real -  that becomes a scary new reality. I had, over our  years together, allowed this person to overstep boundaries. Over and over. Time and time again. Until it broke me. 

It broke me, but it didn't shatter me. I suffered mentally, and emotionally through years of a life built on conditional love. The person who was supposed to love, cherish" and look out for me either failed to realize or didn't care to know they'd been doing the opposite. Not to mention just how hurtful they had been. It took a year of therapy to come to previously said realizations. I don't want to go into too much detail, so maybe I'll save it for my next book. All I can say is that after I worked so hard to help someone else accomplish their dream, I've decided I deserve to accomplish my own dream. 

So now, as my journey continues, I'm  figuring out what that dream may be. As new beginnings unfold I am healing and confident that I will wander onto the precise path I'm supposed to be. I traded the boat life in FL for a brand new life in GA. The air is different here, and it feels wonderful. 

- Nothing you do in this life is written in stone; except the inscription on your head stone.

Choices, decisions, and changes can be made at any time. You may be going through a difficult situation where there's been a weight of contemplation towards making a change. Only you can decide what is best for you. Others cannot peer in with some notion that they can grasp even an iota of what you've been through. True circumstances aren't as simple as a Facebook post. Believe in yourself, love yourself, and know you are not by yourself; because your angels are standing right by your side.